Forgiveness & Making Peace
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”
– Ghandi
Take a moment and think about any person, event, circumstance, or situation toward which you feel anger, resentment, or unforgiveness. If there is even one person or situation in your life that you hold unforgiveness toward, you may be sabotaging your progress in reaching your goals.
Any resentment, anger, or unforgiveness can take away peace and joy from your life. It is time, this very moment, to make amends and move on.
Resentment makes the present harder to carry
We do not want to be anchored in the past. The goal is to be at peace with your past. The sun should not set upon your anger or unforgiveness. Each day, wake up with a clean slate.
When we carry around resentment, we are carrying much more than we need. That is often why people say, “This is too much” or “I can’t handle this.” The reason may be that they are carrying too much old baggage to look at the present circumstance clearly.
Why overreactions happen: Overreactions tend to occur when past unresolved circumstances enter into the present. When someone hurts our feelings today, we may begin to dredge up every moment in the past when our feelings were hurt.
This can become overwhelming and create emotional symptoms. The current situation becomes harder to handle because it is no longer only about what happened today.
Forgiveness does not mean excusing the hurt
When we choose to stay angry or hold on to anger, it is of absolutely no benefit. In fact, the person we are mad at often does not even know the reason why or the extent to which they have hurt or betrayed us.
Work through the feelings and let it go!
It is time to resolve any situations in your life where resentment is harbored. Be free from the torment. This does not mean that we have to be in a relationship with any person who has violated, betrayed, or caused hurt. However, we do need to forgive.
For couples working through betrayal, anger, or repeated conflict, couples therapy in Orange County can offer support for rebuilding communication and emotional safety.
We are all human and make mistakes. Accept what has happened. There is nothing we can do to go back and change it. Learn from the incident to the point of saying, “If I could go back and do it again, I would do it differently.”
This is wisdom. If you were presented with a similar situation today, you now know better. Forgiveness means forgiving as you would want to be forgiven. It is simple and empowering.
Letting go also includes forgiving yourself
If there are feelings of anger toward yourself for past choices or decisions, again, let it go. We have to make mistakes. In fact, we cannot succeed in life without making mistakes.
Ruminating too much can make you fearful or unwilling to take future risks. Living in the past prevents you from being fully present in the moment.
Life may not always unfold the way we expect, but we still have a part to play. Be your very best. Suit up and show up every day to put forth every effort to determine the direction of your life from this point forward.
Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling
Forgiveness and making amends are a choice, not a feeling. We can choose every moment to forgive and trust again.
Forgiveness means never using the situation or circumstance as ammunition again. This means it will not be talked about or addressed any longer. Choose to let it go.
If thoughts of the incident enter the mind, it is our choice and responsibility to cope with the feelings and let the thought go. It is amazing how unnecessary pressure can be released from your body, mind, and spirit.
It is truly a wonderful feeling to let go of anger and resentment.
Making amends starts with responsibility
Forgiveness is essential to your happiness and goal attainment. There is not one good reason to stay angry and not forgive. Forgiveness must be part of our lives.
Every day, while interacting with people, we must be forgiving. Also, when we are wrong, we must promptly admit it, make amends, and move on.
Any time we hurt someone else, whether a mate, child, co-worker, family member, stranger, or anyone else, amends must become part of the day. This includes speaking in an abrupt tone, yelling, becoming impatient, being intolerant, or getting angry.
Say, “I’m sorry.” Simple. Not “I’m sorry, but you made me.” That only justifies the behavior instead of repairing it. Remember, less is best.
Take responsibility, make adjustments in your attitude and your day, and no more blaming.
Give yourself and others permission to be human
Forgive. Embrace your humanness and the humanness of those around you. In your pursuit of a healthy lifestyle, give yourself and others permission to make mistakes.
Life will be much more satisfying and fulfilling.
“Guilt, regret, resentment, sadness, and all forms of unforgiveness are caused by too much past and not enough presence.”
– Eckhart Tolle
